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Most Parents Feel Powerless Against Cyberbullying. Here’s Where to Start

When Chantelle Ellem’s daughter started being bullied, at school and online, she assumed there would be a clear path: the school first, then the police if needed. Instead, as the Australian mum told news.com.au, the family hit wall after wall. The school sent them to the police, and the police sent them back to the school. “What I quickly learnt was that there are no answers,” she said.

Her daughter, who has ADHD and autism, moved schools for a fresh start. Within a week, the bullies from her old school had contacted students at the new one. “She did not get any reprieve,” Ms Ellem said. In the end, after a police youth liaison officer told the family their daughter couldn’t go back “for one more day”, she finished high school through distance education.

Her story could have happened in London, New York, Melbourne or Jerusalem. The phones, the apps and the group chats are the same everywhere, and so is the feeling of helplessness. But parents have more control than it feels like, starting with what can reach their child’s devices.

Parents Don’t Know Where to Turn

A Digital Safety Report commissioned by Optus asked Australian caregivers how they were coping. The answers will sound familiar to parents anywhere:

• 60% feel powerless to stop cyberbullying.
• 90% don’t know where to turn for resources to keep their kids safe online.
• Only 9% know exactly which resources to use. 67% have only a vague idea, and 24% wouldn’t know where to start.
• Only 40% feel confident about how safe their kids’ online world is.
• Only 45% think schools are doing a good job keeping kids safe online.

The problem is growing fast. A 2025 government review of bullying in Australian schools found that more than one in four students in Years 4 to 9 are bullied regularly. It also found that reports of cyberbullying have risen 455% in five years, and that 53% of young people say they’ve been cyberbullied.

Parenting expert Dr Justin Coulson says cyberbullying is linked to anxiety, depression, school refusal, poor sleep and, in the worst cases, self-harm. “It’s hard to police because it’s done in secret. It’s relentless. There’s no respite,” he said.

Why Changing Schools Didn’t Help

The detail in Ms Ellem’s story that should worry every parent is how fast the bullying followed her daughter. A new school, new teachers and a new playground made no difference, because the bullying never lived at the school. It lived on the phones.

That’s why the usual responses so often fall short:

• Schools can only act on part of it. Messages sent at 11pm from a bedroom across town fall between the school’s responsibility and the police’s, which is exactly the gap Ms Ellem fell into.
• Reporting starts after the harm. By the time a post is taken down, it has been seen, screenshotted and shared.
• Age limits don’t reach it. Countries are bringing in social media age limits, but they cover accounts on a handful of big platforms. Group chats, gaming chats and many smaller apps are usually outside them. We explain why in Social Media Bans for Kids: Why the Law Alone Won’t Protect Your Child.

None of this means you shouldn’t report. It means reporting can’t be the only plan.

The Red Flags, and How to Block Them

Dr Coulson says the riskier spaces tend to share a few features: “Anonymity, disappearing messages, open direct messaging with strangers, and live chat.” He names Snapchat, group chats on messaging apps and in-game chat as where many problems play out. He also says law enforcement keeps telling him Roblox is “still problematic despite recent changes”.

You can’t moderate those platforms, but you can decide whether they reach your home. ShomerDNS works on the lookup every device makes before an app or website loads. If a service is blocked, it simply doesn’t connect, whichever app is open and whoever is signed in. That gives parents some practical options:

• Block anonymous-message apps. If your child is being targeted through an anonymous Q&A or “send me a secret message” app, block it. No more messages get through.
• Block stranger chat. Many random-chat and stranger-chat sites are already caught by the ShomerDNS filter, and any it misses can go straight onto your own block list.
• Block Roblox or Snapchat. With a personal VPN and your own Allow and Block Lists, you can block either in seconds, and unblock them just as quickly if you change your mind.
• Keep the apps your family needs. The same lists let you keep WhatsApp for the family group, or the school’s learning apps, while the rest stays off.

What a Filter Can’t Do

ShomerDNS can’t stop a classmate typing something cruel into a group chat on an app you’ve allowed, and it can’t tell you who is behind an anonymous account. For that, Ms Ellem’s hard-won advice works wherever you live:

• Keep a forensic log. Screenshot and record every message, username, timestamp and incident before you block anything. You’ll need it for the school, the police and the platform.
• Put it in writing. Set clear timelines with the principal in writing, and ask for a reference number every time you report to police.
• Report, then escalate. Report serious material to the platform first. If it isn’t removed, find out whether your country has an online safety regulator that can step in, such as eSafety in Australia.
• Know there are other pathways. Mainstream school isn’t the only option. Distance education and other flexible schooling exist if a child needs out.
• Get support. Most countries have a free, confidential helpline for children and young people, and many offer support for parents too. If a child is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

Ms Ellem also asks parents not to forget the children doing the bullying: “Hurt people, hurt people.” In Jewish tradition, ona’at devarim, hurting someone with words, is treated as seriously as cheating them out of money. Protecting children from it takes understanding and conversation, and it also means choosing carefully what reaches your home.